Who Needs Fixing?

We all have times of feeling totally helpless. Either so frustrated at not being able to change something that our anger gets out of control, or so scared we feel like we're freefalling. Sometimes all trust of God having control, and any concern for our Christian example seems to allude us at that moment, leaving some regrets about that when the "episode" is over .
But everyone's life also has issues that don't end, and we are meant to benefit from having them. We have the choice to play the hand we're dealt or live in bitterness. To learn to trust that God is planning out our lives along-side these struggles or to create ourselves a shroud of self pity. I'm not saying I don't indulge in fear or anger at first thought of hardship, I do still have a human nature to battle, and each battle has it's own meaningful results.
Like when I finally realized that our Down Syndrome son Stephen was not going to "grow out of it" just because I insisted that everyone treat him like a normal baby. It seemed like the only thing I could do to force him to be what I thought he should be, when in fact it was denial. We did meet with our pastor and deacon board a couple of times for anointing and healing prayer. It's hard to accept it when God doesn't dumb-down His plans to agree with ours. I knew God didn't want me to waste my life hoping He would change His mind about how He saw fit to fashion Stevie, but to thankfully accept him as the gift that children are intended, from a wise creator who doesn't need me to tell Him how things should be. Stevie will be healed as all those redeemed will be, and in the meantime I can choose to either be disappointed with God and my life, or get past it, knowing He is sovereign and doesn't make mistakes; to examine my faith and find out if it is strong enough to surrender to His purpose. A purpose I wouldn't comprehend even if He did clue me in to it.

We were enjoying our easy, "normal" life with a very undemanding little girl when the Lord knew that our lives were going to benefit from this new challenge. He knew ...of the blessings of sweetness from our childs' simplicity ...the rewards from the struggles for his accomplishments ...that our fears would fade into adjustment and discovery ...and would learn to be thankful for things that some can't understand.
Stephens' Creator already planned that everything Deliverance would learn to deal with in those years growing up with a disabled brother would be shaping her character as well, and adding those dimensions to her life that we all instinctively kick against at first, because He was her Creator, too. Her life was not meant to be shielded from unpleasantries. Even if you ignore someone or something in your life, it is still there. As parents we want to smooth their way but we couldn't take the bumps out of a road we weren't familiar with. We had to realize it was God's purpose to effect her life as well. We hoped she would learn to find blessings and become strong from the winds she would have to sway with. I'm sure she has felt second to our concerns for Stevie's life, every sibling does at times, but each child has put us through the ringer just as much as the other. For each one we have a different kind of prayer, concern, joy, pride. Through each stage of her life Steve & I have often wondered why we had been so undeservedly blessed with such a daughter. Sometimes it's a whole discussion in itself. We think God has been molding her nicely and even though she has doubted it at times, Stevie has always relished her attention. From the time Deliverance was born we had prayed every night for the boy God was bringing up to be her husband, if that is what He planned for her. Joshua has been such a big asset to our family in may ways that we can't help but love and admire him, but since this story is about Stevie I will only emphasize that Josh means the world to him. That alone says a lot about our son-in-law.

This would be another kind of story if I didn't have a husband that believed so strongly in standing by your family, no matter what. So many things can break up a marriage even when you have a faith as strong as Steve's, but the Lord granted me a partner that has created a track record with his love and commitment that I can depend on. I don't know what else I could ask for that would mean as much. The Lord deserves so much more gratitude from my life than I have ever given Him. He has proven so many things that I might not have known otherwise.

Ever since he was born I've always taken Stevie most places I go in public so I've witnessed Stevie being God's vehicle for "awareness" as people learn to share their environment and communicate with those considered to be less than desirable. I would have missed out on a lot if it were possible to get my own way and God had "fixed" Stephen when he didn't need fixing. I thank the Lord that He knew what we needed, something that was more perfect for our growth than we would have thought. Maybe not perfect in tangible ways, but a perfect on-going lesson in trust, and through it He is "fixing" me instead (a frustrating task I'm sure).

Welcome to Holland - by Emily Perl Kingsley
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The COLISEUM, THE MICHELANGELO-DAVID. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.
Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "WELCOME TO HOLLAND"! HOLLAND?? you say. "What do you mean Holland"? I signed up for Italy!!
But there's been a change in flight plans. Trying everything possible to gt what you want you finally realize there you must learn to enjoy what you have.
"The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a disgusting place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place"!
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole NEW LANGUAGE. And you will meet a whole NEW GROUP OF PEOPLE, you would never have met!
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while and catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has REMBRANDTS!!
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're bragging about what a wonderful time they had there and for the rest of your life, you will say, YES, that's where I wanted go. That's what I planned! The loss of the DREAM is a very significant loss at first. But if you spend your life MOURNING the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about HOLLAND"

How Much is Enough?

Mat 6:25b . . . Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? :26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? :27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

Ever since early summer we've had 3 little sparrows that huddle under the awning over our back door. They must be males, because don't females have nests? Sometimes I like to go look at them just to get another shot of cute! You can click on the picture to see that precious face. They're not frightened away by me letting out the dog unless he starts barking a lot and the door slams and it's windy, it takes a lot to pry them from their little squatters claim. I didn't know that one night one of them flew in through the door and on down to our basement. The next morning my husband went down to his computer "set up" area and saw a bird. After an hour of trying to get it out, we gave up because I didn't want to hurt it. Later, hubby noticed it upstairs, so he opened the front door and it flew right out.

Anyway, I didn't plan on telling the whole bird story, but not much happens around here with the kids all grown up. I do want to relate the bird verse, and God's provisions, to another story.

When my daughter came back from one of her college missionary trips to the Philippines, she stood in our living room, and said that 3 families could easily live in this house (800 sq ft). I said yes, I really shouldn't think our home is too small for just one family. Then she went through her clothing and mailed a bunch of it to a volunteer pastor's wife she befriended there. The pictures she showed us and the stories all told us how much the squatters manage to live without. Her experiences, like the missionaries that show their slides at church, help us to see what the real world really is. After all, not many countries are as wealthy as ours. Their squatter shacks, all pushed together side by side (with no bathrooms), made out of pieces of wood found around the junk heaps. But they manage to bring up their children, generation after generation.
The world is full of places like this, and the Great Shepherd has his own sheep in all of them, who thank their Lord for His provision. That means that they are also our brothers and sisters. I'm ashamed of how few times I pray for their strength, that maybe more often I should forgo unnecessary spending and send a little extra to the people who try to care for their needs (missionaries, charities*, native pastors).
We are worth more to our Heavenly Father than all the wild animals He takes care of, yet we are quick to think that He doesn't know what He's doing if we have a setback in our finances and have to downsize our house, or we can't do that vacation get-away. We would still have more to thank Him for than those who think a soft bed is a luxury and indoor plumbing is something they will never experience. Even if our plans don't always turn out to be His plans, and we have to change our mindset, He will always take care of us, in His more perfect way.

*Be sure to check out the financial information of any Christian charities before sending your support.

What encourages you?

I love Christian music, especially ones that you can tell have a lot of thought put into, tells a story or gives you courage (like this one). I guess that's why hymns are my favorite, and I like those books of stories behind the hymn, they're kinda like a biography. That leads right to me liking biographies, too. It's so interesting to see how other Christians handle trials that can either just trickle irritatingly through our life or even consume us. I try to keep that in mind when I'm trying to handle something unpleasant, someone may be reading me like a book, an unwilling example of how to deal, and being thankful for it to boot (Eph.5:20), because He uses it to mold us. I often looked for inspirational examples in the Christian History magazine on line, but I can't find it nowadays, so I may subscribe to the hard copy.
I think the biggest book I read was The Parish Papers by George MacDonald. A good read on the trials of a new preacher in an unfamiliar land, and learning to trust God's timing, among other things.
I saw this grave marker at Holyrood while in Scotland this year from 1849 of a 17 yr old girl and it made me re-think about how we should view the biggest trial we'll all face. I promise not to get all morbid on you, just a quick mention. It says "Take comfort Christians when your friends in Jesus fall asleep, their better being never ends, why then dejected weep"
Most of my entries may be of a reflective nature, but also sort of eclectic. So if this entry didn't interest you, keep checking back and feel free to jump in and let me know some of your thoughts, experiences and favorites too. Got an example of a trial and how it helped you learn to trust God, or how it helped someone else more? Or leave me a link that you think is really neat.