A Question of Power or Plan?

My poor mom is hating having to take her new blood thinning medicine. I know how hard this is for her because as so many tend to believe, she feels she isn't giving God a chance to heal her if she resorts to medication. Also, "If I feel good there must not be anything wrong." even when the tests prove otherwise. But I have learned these ideas aren't what God teaches, scripture can be so easily distorted. In my past I also have felt this dilemma and hurt, so I understand and my heart goes out to those under these teachings.

God can do it, He can do ANYTHING that He wills and even before we decide to use other means. We don't have to give Him a "chance". When He doesn't give instant healing He has given us doctors and medication for our use. He doesn't have to explain to us why He does or doesn't, and He has never told us to not use one means toward health in order to see if He will use another more desirable means down the road, or else He might withhold it from you altogether. I have known some who have held off until it is too late to use any other means He has provided. I realize that even the medical route is no guarantee, this just proves to me that the One who created my body still owns it for His purpose and He is the ultimate decision-maker. He has given each of us a certain number of days and He is the one in control. Medications can work good for one problem while at the same time possibly cause another. So it can be a hard decision to weigh and I wouldn't judge anyone who has to make it. For mom's case she needs to prevent blood clotting, a very present threat for her condition. A threat not worth ignoring, so she dreads having to actually stick to it's regime, especially because of what it does to her energy level. My niece has been on blood thinners for most of her life. God is allowing it to prolong her life and although it causes other problems it is a Godsend and meant to be taken advantage of.

Our limited knowledge can't understand why God doesn't always allow healing but yet allows medication, procedures, and doctors to help us while we are here, and we'd be foolish not to put it to use. As we see in Job, whatever concerns us has to be OK'd by the Father who does all for our good, and we see that He DOES okay it. If He truly never wants to allow sickness He does not lack the power to accomplish this and no one would ever have to experience the end result of man's fall. We would also have one less reason to draw still nearer to Him, to realize our gratefulness for the mercy He showers on us, and to wonder at why He would even give us our next breath.

I am saddened for those who are deceived into thinking they have deficient faith when in truth being forced into a position to REALLY trust His purposes when we cannot see "why" requires even greater eyes of faith. There are sadly so many who are being manipulated to live in frustration over their illness, being taught that they are the one limiting God's power when it is bad enough that they have to learn to cope with their thorn. We all have some health issue even if it's on & off, it would be sad if all I would think about that situation is that if I can work hard to whoop up my faith some more God might think I love Him enough to deserve His healing touch. Funny how most from that camp will of course urge you to get a broken leg fixed instead of waiting to see if God will heal it miraculously sometime later. My faith will never be great enough to will something into happening that God isn't, and He certainly doesn't require the measly power of my self-will or "visualization" to help Him accomplish anything. So, better to use it for good as He intends. To draw so close to Him that we can experience what it means to be content in our circumstances, and yes, to find those reasons to give thanks in everything. To cause others to see God's glory through trials.

In scripture God healed people lacking in faith, just as He does now, often, so I know that is not the requirement. We are shown that His main purpose while here was not to physically heal, but spiritually heal (salvation). He even walked away from multitudes that He was healing, through it He had proven He was of God, He was more importantly drawn to go to those who needed to know Him. If this seems puzzling it should lead us to find deeper answers in His word as to what He is all about, not to the twisted interpretations of an unqualified and blindly elevated "leader" who create their own hype for fame and income, as so many have proven about them-self. I know God weeps with us over our pain even though He can end it. Would He really want us to glide by with no thorns? No reminder of the effect of sin which is the proof of our need for a Savior? No reasons to draw us into learning of His nature and His will? Have us not to be used to show others God's glory through hardship? If being His child had to be sufficient enough for Paul (as if being His child isn't enough) and God chose a doctor for his companion, I guess us disillusioned so-called "sub-faithers" are in good company.

I could go on with multitudes of scripture about God's will concerning illness but there are many other resources that say it more intelligently and eloquently than I. The hard part might be in finding the ones that know how to rightly divide the truth of God's own teachings and not people that just make them line up with their own traditions, for their own purposes. But you would also have to learn how to 'discerningly' find those authors and to choose your leaders.

Will I Ever Fully Trust God?

Not until I'm perfect and in Heaven. Because then I'll have shed everything that hinders REALLY knowing Him.
When I think things go wrong, my spiritual immaturity causes me to fear - be angry - confused - (insert other distrust here). Even though we grow in trust by learning more about God and experiencing His hand in our lives, we aren't going to ever "arrive" at the end of spiritual maturity. The Holy Spirit enlightens my understanding enough to see things only through a dark glass until the day I get to understand how HE sees, and experience that perfect trust.
Sometimes I will get impatient with the slow growth of trust in an area of another believer's life and have to think that God must get impatient with the lazy areas of my pilgrimage. Sometimes I forget that He wants me to become like Him, but more often than not I just get lazy with the fight that requires. It means letting go of the importance of my own daily concerns. Maybe I think God won't take care of my own concerns the way that I like, so again, not trusting enough to accept HIS outcome.

When God allows those hard things into my life it takes real focus to know He is totally in control even when He allows things to remain "bad", or lead to death which we usually think of as "bad" also. If He wasn't in complete control of everything He wouldn't be sovereign and worthy of our trust. Therefore these hard things have to be meant for my good, in some way that I may not know while I'm alive. Probably mostly for concreting my trust, and for bringing me to a place where utter helplessness forces me to accept His control. Sometimes the way in which I handle devastation may be for the sake of those who are on the sidelines. When we come through the end of a trial we say "God is so good", but He is also good when He sees fit NOT to bring us through it here on earth and the ending is when He brings us home, even if for many people that end is after a whole lifetime down the road.

I hope someday my life shows enough trust and growth to be pleasing in His sight a little more than me being a hindrance to those who need to see Christ through me. It is what our Father created us for, to glorify Him, and to learn how He wants us to do that.

Here are some good songs on the subject of trusitng God through trials.

Blessings by Laura Story


He's Always Been Faithful To Me by Sara Groves

Living Out Your Salvation

"Holy living is not only the refraining from doing the wrong and the doing of the right, but an insatiable desire for God's will that can only be put in the heart by the Holy Spirit, manifesting our true sincerity by glorifying Him through obedience." Chas. E. Orr - Ps 42:1, Php 2:12, 1Thes 1:7, 1Jn 2:4, Num 15:30


I wish I would ask myself more often "does my life read as a letter from God or a memo of my intentions?" when i hear people say that God doesn't make us His puppets I always wish He WOULD make me one so that the cares of this world wouldn't effect my decisions, making so many of them hypocritical. If I want to be "so heavenly minded that I'm MORE earthly good" why don't I?

I once heard that ALL sin is based in self-centeredness. so I started thinking about all the kinds of sin (even seemingly benign character flaws) and I couldn't find one that didn't have it's root cause in "self". In the garden satan appealed to Eve's ego ("you will be like God"), and then second-guessing God ("did He say...?)is really our way of getting around His authority so we can do what WE want. ME! That's the only desire of a newborn baby, to learn how to get what he wants. His parents have to gradually tame his selfishness throughout his childhood. Teaching his will to submit to authority not only prepares him to avoid horrible consequences in a lawful society, in the workforce, in a marriage..., but prepares his heart to submit to the Holy Spirit when He convicts him to repent and continues to convict him to live out his salvation, thus avoiding more horrible consequences.

I definitely don't have enough "fear and trembling" when living out my salvation, or as the amplified version says "...reverence and awe, serious caution" Php 2:12. We all have a human nature, that tendency to quench what we know is right in favor of our own desires. For some it is a stronger personal trial than it is for others. In chapter 7 of Romans Paul tells of his battle with "self will" even though he was a more determined and courageous warrior. As impossible as it seems God wants us to set Himself as our goal (1Pet 1:15-16), not so we'll feel defeated and overwhelmed, but exhorted and enthusiastic to please Him (1 Cor 9:24). God doesn't give us what we can't handle, it's just that a lot of times I don't want to step out of my comfort zone or quench my tendency for self-pity, in order to decrease ME and show God's power in my life. -Jn 3:30-31. when Paul asked "who will set me free from this body of death?", I feel so connected to that expression of shame. He knew the answer though, that battle won't be forever, but realizing our inadequacies teach us to rely more on a loving Father's daily grace. He gave us a gift when He captured us. A shared hatred for the sin in those He loves. Hatred for sin stirs our heart for obedience, and at least some level of growth, in spite of our numerous shortcomings. So, if a thirst for obedience is not manifest in your life....you know what scripture says about a faith without works (the obedience from the heart)? The book of James has a lot to say about that.
If we all could just be rid of ourselves and live like this earth is not our home! As much as we want to be His puppets, He would rather have our struggling push that reinforces our love. We are on a Pilgrimage, ambassadors for Him. It's hard to keep all these ties in perspective but when we return to our forever home, this life we have built for ourselves will be like a blink. What really mattered will be what is there with Him.

We're Still Valentines

People might think that Steve and I are a little delusional but after all these years we're still in love with each other. Well, I think Steve is lupie anyway, he still tells me I'm pretty, haha. Along with all the years of happy and loving memories we've had our share of fights and sometimes long periods of distancing. But making the choices each day to tough it through no matter what, teaches us to actually live out our love, and seems to produce some kind of a glue. There is no promise of having good without taking the bad as long as we're in this ol' world.

Along with those romantic candlelight meals we also have to learn to eat crow and swallow pride and unfairness. Sometimes marriage can be a battle ground (battle of the wills anyway) and making the decision to stay and care about the person God chose for you has brought us a closer friendship and a comforting assurance of our love, knowing what we can expect and hope in each others commitment. Marriage is more than giving your word to someone, which doesn't seem to be as highly honored as it used to. It is more importantly a vow made to your Father (who wants to help you keep it, and Who will hold you to it) and trusting the outcome to Him.

My heart goes out to those who have a lot more hardship in their marriage than we've had. My previous words don't imply that God won't tolerate divorce within His described guidelines because we are imperfect people, but there are consequences for rebellion, and blessings for obedience. Although we like to give God a deadline He brings us those blessings in His timing, which is more perfect than whatever time we are counting on receiving them. He created time and He created what He wants time to bring to us. The ultimate end and blessing? Our time of eternity with Him.

True Happiness

"God cares more about your obedience than your happiness" Warren Wiersbe

A lot of people say God just wants us to be happy. He does of course but to reach it through a different route than we are used to attaining it. True happiness and peace is the result of being in fellowship with Him. So I guess that means our obedience is His main concern since we can't achieve (true) happiness without it. After all, would you be experiencing the true meaning of happiness if you hadn't obeyed His call to repentance? And that is only the beginning of His blessings.

I remember this song being popular back when I first became a follower of Christ, and I still love the words, maybe if just for the sake of reminiscing.

37 - And Counting

For my Steve - always in my corner, assuring me that you'll be here no matter what. Thanks for being my #1 fan, my comforter, encourager, buffer, my leader and "hang-out" buddy - and just whatever I need for whatever I/we are going through. You've made me your #1 fan, too! Another happy anniversary Honey.



And of course I have to add OUR song.
I guess we relate to this so much because being immature (and against wise counsel), we got married after only knowing each other for 4 1/2 months. I'm sure people thought we wouldn't last, statistics really are against it so we are against doing what we did. Shouldn't that be our view for all our mistakes? But in spite of ourselves, with determination and with the Lord's grace, for His own reason He kept us together.

God Has Blessed Our Love

As with many couples there's been a few times that we haven't always thought that we were there for each other, who hasn't had those rough waters, but when the fog cleared it proved that we really were still willing to be there, learning to hang on to the beacon of God's grace.
I think being the only one for each other ever since we were 18 (37yrs) and never throwing in the towel on each other is a whole lot to be thankful for. We spent a lot of years figuring out compromises and tolerating quirks to make it work, so thanks for staying the course with me. I am blessed.




Thinking about all the good stuff

Eating / Testing Snow

I got a snow ice cream recipe from Sharleen, right when I was about to look into if it is okay to eat snow, in large quantities that is.

We all probably ate snow as a child (and a lot worse things than that) and were told to watch out for the yellow stuff. nowadays there is more pollution in the air but it is still fun to catch the flakes on your tongue or even grab a handful to melt in your mouth.

Most sites I visited said just be careful if you live around large cities or industrial sights. We live near the bottom curve of Lake Michigan, outside Chicago and a few nearby steel mills. So I tested the snow according to instructions on one site.

Fill a large bowl with freshly fallen snow, let melt, strain though a coffee filter fitted over a glass.
If you can't see any debris on the filter, check with a magnifying glass. In my case I could clearly some see tiny dark, and lighter, specs.
It may not be a good idea for folks in my area to eat more than small amounts of fresh snow at a time. But you can make your own judgement. After all, our immune system takes care of some amount of pollution every day, in our foods & water, breathing, etc... The FDA allows a certain amount of rat droppings/hair, as well as other items to be in our food when tested because they cannot keep it all out of our food supply, so I don't think a little pollution is any worse. I once watched a medical show describing all the yucky stuff we live with every second of every day, yet we have no idea because our immune system either gets rid of it or helps our body accommodate it. We need to be exposed to a certain amount of it in order to build resistance. Depending on your age, health, the amount of pollution in your area and your portion size, it's up to you. I think I will make the snow ice cream recipe as a fun thing to do. There are recipes all over the internet.

SNOW ICE CREAM made with fresh milk
1 gallon fresh clean snow
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups milk

When it starts to snow, place a large, clean bowl outside to collect the flakes. When full, stir in sugar and vanilla to taste, then stir in just enough milk for the desired consistency. Serve at once. Serves 4.

SNOW ICE CREAM made with evaporated milk
1 (12 ounce) can evaporated milk
2 eggs, beaten
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3/4 cup sugar
1 gallon fresh clean snow

Slowly combine first 4 ingredients in large bowl until smooth. Gradually stir in snow until mixture reaches desired consistency. Serve at once.

Homemade Bread

Butter sandwiches for lunch.
That's like a ham sandwich without the ham.


Deliverance gave us some yummy wheat bread she made with crunchy bits of millet all through (it made the house smell heavenly).

I decided to make sandwiches for lunch so I could have 2 slices. Then I thought, "forget the meat, it might take away from the bread".

Stevie, my bread-lover, was happy to discover the warm "butter sandwiches" I invented, open face, with a cup of hot chocolate.

Movie Date

Stevie has known Charlie for many years, and ever since she was his high school prom date I have chaperoned them on a couple of dates each year. It's usually a movie and dinner.

This time they went to see the movie Tangled, a funny version of Rapunzel. I laughed as much as they did.

Then off to The Chocolate Cafe. After all that popcorn, we only got a cup of hot soup and dessert. The "Fondue For 2" was just enough for the 3 of us.

Yummmm!

Christmas Eve

Our family had Christmas dinner and gift exchange on Christmas Eve this year because Deliverance had to work on Christmas day.


Well, she had to work on Christmas Eve too, but not in the evening.

Deliverance and Josh hosted downstairs with a cozy fire in their fireplace and mellow Christmas music.

As usual there was lots of good food and sweets. I think the star of the show was this chocolate cake Deliverance made with peppermint mousse filling and ganache coating.

Stephen received some karaoke games and microphones. He loves to sing, mostly alone in his room.

(Oh, btw, Steve requested I cut him out of the photo on the internet)

Poor Scooby, why do we torture him so?

Stained Glass Sugar Cookies

While we were art my parents house I found myself with nothing planned one day so I made my grandma's sugar cookie recipe,
only I altered it slightly by adding a pane of stained glass in the centers.

This takes a lot of extra time but is pretty easy.
Just crush a hard candy (Jolly Ranchers are best) to fill into each center cut-out just before they are done cooking.

It is easiest to get them off the cookie pan if you bake them on baking parchment so you can slip it off the pan to cool before you peel the cookies off.


I also made my mom's cream cheese cookie recipe. One of my all time favorites.

Michigan Family Pre-Christmas Visit

We took a few days to run up to Michigan to visit my family a few days before Christmas since Steve managed to actually get this time for one of his vacation weeks..

Besides my parents, this also included seeing my brother, sister, niece and her husband.

We don't often get to see them around the holidays so it was a special treat.

Mom's Nursing Home Christmas Party

The Alzheimer's unit sponsored a Christmas dinner for clients and their family.


There was plenty of food and gifts, songs, and cute children to give the clients lots of joy.


Barb, Stevie and I had a memorable time with mom. As for mom, she forgot about it the next day,


It was worth seeing the joy on her face, because she thought it was all for her birthday, which is 2 weeks later.

Being the good hostess, she had to play the social butterfly and visit each client and visitor to ask them if they were having a good time.

Thanksgiving 2010

Deliverance and Josh invited us downstairs to their place for Thanksgiving dinner, and Josh's brother Chris was there too.

It is the first year they have their own completed kitchen. I welcomed it gladly, since it would mean a lot less cleaning up for me.

I decided to try a recipe I found on line for sausage stuffed mushroom caps. They went over very well.

Deliverance's chipotle-augratin potatoes are always a big hit, as well as her sweet potato casserole with pecan praline topping, and pumpkin cheesecake.
Sooo easy to partake in the traditional Thanksgiving over-indulging.


It was also too difficult to choose just one of the yummy desserts, so I allowed Stevie to have a sample of each one. His favorite course.

Survival of the Fittest Flower

Petunias are pretty hearty. When I forget to water my flowers for a few days in a heat wave, most of them don't survive, but after a while my petunias will make a comeback.


When I don't dead-head them they tend to loose all thier leaves and die back, but if I cut them back short they may take a month but will come back to their former glory.

Our first real snow that stuck around for a few days before the weather warmed up again, snuffed out my other flowers for the rest of the year, but this amazing pot of petunias don't seem to be phased a bit.

Nursing Home Halloween Party

If Steve's mom leaves the Alzheimer's unit someone has to be with her.
Her unit was having a little celebration but more fun was to be had where the singer and visiting children were.

So Steve, Stevie and I helped mom attend the party in the larger common dining room.

She loved watching the little ones go trick-or-treating from table to table where the patients could give them something from the bowls of candy on each table, and then watch them dance to the songs the visiting singer sang throughout the hour.


She wanted to hang on to the cat ear headband I made for her costume. The aids said she played with it for days, putting them on her as well as any client who would let her put it on them.

9th Anniversary

So proud of our kids Deliverance and Josh.

They have been through a lot of hardship and experienced a lot of blessings packed into the 9 short years they have been husband and wife.

They have experienced a lot more than Steve and I did in our first 9 yrs.

The Lord has blessed us with giving us them.

Stephen's 27th

Of course he had to have a double fudge cake with chocolate ice cream.

He asked for balloons and streamers this time.



He still gets a kick out of the trick candles that re-light themselves.







Enough super soaker water guns to have a war.





Power Ranger multi-function weapon.






Deliverance & Josh took him to see the play Pinocchio.

Brookfield Zoo With Friends

I haven't been to one of the Chicago zoo's for many years, so when my friends Linda and Pat wanted somewhere to go together that's what we decided on.


A zoo is about the only place you can get a good look at God's wonderful creations that live in other parts of the world that we will probably never experience. I don't like animals to be caged, but these all had nice habitats to roam around in.

Despite it being a scorcher of a day, we had a good time seeing as much as we could before the heat would stop us. So we cheated and took the trolley around a lot of the areas and then picked out a few areas to take a closer look at, including the dolphin show.

While we ate a late lunch in the shade, the younger of the 4 of us, Stevie and Linda, went to a couple of the exhibits that Pat and I weren't up to pushing ourselves to, before we made the trek out to the car and head home before rush hour.

Happy Birthday To My College Sweetheart

Steve - you have never given me cause to wonder about your love and devotion to me.


...and by the way, you have a great smile

Berry Picking Season

Look at the pretty sky, this farm is called Blue Sky Blueberry Farm.


I picked the biggest ones I could find, but most all of them were big and delicious.

I put one on a penny and one on a nickle to help you see how plump these beauties are. I'll only need a few for each blueberry pancake or muffin (but I like more than a few in them). Enough for fruit salads until Easter.


The bushes were so full and ripe you constantly heard all the little thump sounds as berries just fell of the bushes. I didn't know whether to pick the bushes or pick them off the ground,


Stevie and I got to the red raspberry field at Grandma's Berry Patch just as they were dwindling out but managed a few pints, the black raspberries were already gone. The blackberries and blueberries are still going good for a couple more weeks.

A few days later to Garwood orchards for blackberries, the blackberries at Grandma's were a little sweeter.


You can tell Stevie wasn't too happy to be there. The days we picked were extremely hot, so we didn't stay long. the hottest day was 95f but heat index of 105.


After we eat a bunch I freeze them on sheet pans and bag them to use throughout the year.

Being Content Doesn't Come Easily

When are heart breaks because our plans are shattered, peace can only come from trusting that the One who created our life is controlling it for His own magnificent plans. His ways are much higher than our ways. This has always been hard for me, because I tend to be a bit controlling, Each time He breaks our plans we can try to go it alone or save time and get on the path He is preparing for us.




verses on being content, at peace:
2Co 12:10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Php 4:11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am
Heb 13:5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

lyrics to Break my Plans:
The praise songs of a nation flowed from his hands
and in a world of dark repression he made a stand
they told him to be silent and led him away
ten years was the sentence, a prisoner of faith
as he waited for God's timing another winter chilled the air
and as he thought of his own family he was filed with despair
so he cried out for justice "was there any other way?"
but then he gave it all to Jesus as he began to pray

"break my plans, shape my heart, take my will to where you are.
Move my mind through your Word, til all that I am
lives to love you, Lord."

I know I'm called to suffer and to take up my cross
but sometimes I grow so fearful when I count the cost
still my heart wants to follow and to walk in Your ways
to be counted with the faithful, Lord guide me today.

with all my heart, my strength and my soul,
I will love you God, so use my life and take complete control.

"break my plans, shape my heart, take my will to where you are.
Move my mind through your Word, til all that I am
lives to love you, Lord."

Romanian hymnist and pianist, Nicolae Moldoveanu, served 5 yrs for his Christian faith. While in prison and without pen and paper, he composed over 360 hymns. He's credited with 8000 songs, they are still sung throughout Romania today.

Michigan Visit

Stevie and I went to visit family for a few days near the Detroit area. I picked up a few Buddy's pizza to bring home in the cooler. Then decided to bring home a couple more so dad loaned me his cooler too.


When dad and Stevie went to pick up the extra ones he took a photo of Stevie in front of the building. Then a guy waiting for his take-out volunteered to take a photo of them together.


My mom is a Chaplain at a medical care facility. She organizes church services for the patients 3x a week with various pastors and others who can sing and teach. When they forget to show up sometimes she has to fill in for them, which makes her a little nervous, but doesn't want to let them or the Lord down so she does her best.


The preacher she had scheduled this time was also a great singer. And guess what? He grew up next door to me. I've known him since we were little, but I hadn't seen him since I went to college and moved away. We wouldn't have recognized each other on the street. I was good friends with his sister, so it was good to catch up for a few minutes.


It was also good to see my sister and niece who always make an effort to come over while I'm there. My brother has now moved out of state. I miss them all.

The flower tree "snake" that my parents make every year is always beautiful to see. It is so much work that each time they wonder if it will be the last year they can do it.

Poor Baby!

My mom has a Quaker parrot named Carmen who fell and broke her leg. The vet put a cast on, so she has a difficult time getting around on the bottom of her cage.

Carmen would usually be on mom's shoulder a lot during the day, but since she can't stand now mom made her a sling to sit in so she can still ride along.

It's made from cutting a nylon knee-hi so it can be tied around mom's neck, and making a hole for each foot and tail so she won't slip out the bottom.

It's so funny to see.